I was really most struggling with being able to step into my power in a way that was authentic and unshakable and completely mine and had nothing to do with my achievements or my accomplishments or my visibility or validation. I was in a relationship with my career that was not bringing me any joy, that was actually really anxiety inducing. I had such a chokehold on a timeline happening the way that I felt that I needed it to happen. And I was deeply afraid and not connected to trust at all, which made the creative process completely devoid of any fun or play or ease. And I was just really tired.

 

I was desperately craving pleasure, but I didn't know how to have permission within myself to feel pleasure. I didn't know how to reconnect to that part of myself, my sexuality, my sensuality, my ability to show up in life completely present and surrendered. And I was just really ready to release my old identity that was so tied up and achievements and perfectionism and I was just craving a relationship with life that was far more surrendered and joyful and embodied and true, that felt like it had more truth.

 

 

And through my work with Beth, I got to the place where suddenly I knew in an embodied way what it felt like to truly surrender the timing and truly surrender what I think that I need and the attachments that I had had of my career and my life needing to happen in a certain way and look a certain way. And through that, I was able to reconnect to the joy of just going along for the ride. I have a relationship and developed a relationship with life that is one of trust and love and knowing that I am held and allowing myself to be held.

 

I started to take the power back when it came to my creativity. I stopped waiting for permission from the industry that I was in or like the powers that be to allow me to create and allow me to have the experience I wanted to have or feel connected to my inner artist. And I started to actually allow myself to find pleasure in creating outside of that very specific, very limiting container and actually finally wrote the song with a friend who I've been wanting to write a song with forever and sharing it in a way that felt deeply vulnerable.

 

This is something that is going to be my whole life. This is my process and it has nothing to do with the external because now I know it's inevitable. And so I get to enjoy being a creative, artistic human in the process.

 

It feels so good to actually be witnessed in my power and in my pleasure. I gradually I started to give myself permission and to feel more freedom. Freedom was what I was craving the most. And to be free to be in my power and not feel ashamed of that and to heal the parts of me that felt like they needed to play small and not apologize for taking up space and not apologize or downplay.

 

What I have to offer has been so healing and exciting for me. And I'm excited to keep exploring more and more. It feels like just the beginning. I suddenly had this knowing of not needing to force anything to happen before or after other things or that I needed to choose this or that. It was suddenly so clear to me that I'm allowed to have it all and that I can handle scary things and that I am resourced within myself and I have the capacity and I can trust myself.

 

I've never felt so trusting of myself. And it feels like a whole world has opened up to me. I feel more sure than ever before that my career will also happen for me. And I don't have the same fear of not being given by life the things that I want. I have so much trust now and that feels like anything is possible. I have grown and healed so much in these six months. I can't even put it into words. I struggle to put it into words because it's so deep, and it feels like it has been the key to unlocking the parts of me that have been the answer to me truly allowing myself to receive the things that I've always wanted. It has absolutely changed my life.